Friendships are such an important part of our lives, especially during childhood and adolescence. But what happens when a friendship hits a rough patch? As a youth coach, I can help young people navigate friendship struggles. When a young person comes to me feeling hurt or confused about a friendship, my focus isn’t on changing the friend; instead, I work on empowering the youth to better understand themselves and the situation.
Understanding What You Can (and Can’t) Control
One of the first things I help young people realize is that the only person they have control over is themselves. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to change others to fit our expectations, but that often leads to more frustration. Instead, I work with my clients to shift their focus inward. What can they do to respond differently? What can they learn from the situation? By focusing on self-awareness, I help them see how they can manage their feelings and actions in a way that strengthens their own sense of self.
We’re Not Burning Bridges
When a friendship becomes difficult, it can be tempting to want to walk away or cut ties, but I encourage my clients to take a step back before making any decisions. Rather than “burning the bridge” between them and their friend, I help them explore why the friendship is feeling rocky. What’s changed? And why does it matter? Sometimes, friendships grow apart because people change—and that’s okay. One of the most important lessons I teach is that both they and their friends are allowed to change.
Fitting In vs. Belonging
In our coaching sessions, we spend time unpacking the difference between fitting in and belonging. Many young people feel the pressure to change parts of themselves just to fit in with a group. But the reality is, fitting in often means you’re sacrificing your true self in the process. I guide my clients to see that true belonging doesn’t require you to change—it means being accepted for who you are. Our goal is to find places where they belong, not just places where they can squeeze themselves in.
Building Self-Confidence
Dealing with friendship challenges can be tough, and it’s easy for a young person to feel like they’re the problem. That's why I prioritize building their self-confidence. We work on strengthening their self-worth so they understand they are enough, just as they are. This confidence gives them the tools to overcome any social challenge, whether it's navigating a tough friendship or seeking out new connections.
Coming Back to Yourself
In any tough situation, it’s crucial to take time to focus on yourself. During coaching, I encourage my clients to invest time in doing things that light them up—whether it’s a hobby, sport, or creative project. When you reconnect with the things that bring you joy, you return to yourself stronger. By doing this inner work, they not only heal from friendship challenges but grow into more resilient, self-aware individuals.
Additional Elements We Work On
During our sessions, we also explore:
Emotional regulation: Teaching them to understand and manage their feelings, so they don’t react impulsively or out of anger.
Communication skills: Helping them find healthy, assertive ways to express their feelings to friends.
Perspective-taking: Encouraging them to see the situation from their friend’s point of view, which can build empathy and resolve misunderstandings.
Boundary-setting: Sometimes, protecting one’s emotional well-being means learning to set healthy boundaries in friendships.
Final Thoughts
Friendship struggles are normal, but they don’t have to be overwhelming. Through coaching, I help youth build the tools to navigate these challenges with confidence, empathy, and a strong sense of self. It’s not about changing others—it’s about empowering young people to find their own strength, embrace change, and build authentic connections where they truly belong.
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